Okay, I haven't been writing as much, and I know I need to. There's a lot on my mind, and they are beginning to bother me. I haven't been writing, and now these thoughts have nowhere to go. So here I go.
For whatever reason, I have hit a motivation block. I am absolutely dead in the motivation department. I feel really lethargic, and my thoughts are not as coherent as they should be. Even with a bit of coffee, nothing seems to budge. I feel tired all of the time. It's just weird. I want to sleep for days on end because I'm so unmotivated. I get like this pretty frequently, I have noticed. It's just this huge aura of stale energy that goes nowhere. It's just burdening on me because nothing seems to happen, and I just cannot find the energy to do anything either. I'm gonna make myself another cup of coffee and try and be up more hours. It could be because I am oversleeping.
Another thing on my mind is where I am going with my girlfriend at this moment in time. There's the usual sense of "we aren't on the same wavelength" bit, and the sense that maybe my standards for a relationship are too high, and that my OCD and anxiety are beginning to play their roles as well as introversion. This has always been a huge thing growing up, and it still remains a factor. However, ever since I have began to write in my journal offline and online, I have begun to understand how my mind works, who I am, and how I can counteract it.
She's not a bad girl at all. I just happen to nitpick about things, but I think it could be because there are other things on my mind, or maybe that my focus is on something else. I don't know. After a month or so of being in a relationship, the sweetness starts to come off and my brain starts to nitpick about the little things about the other person. Not a very good thing, but I must try and tackle these things. Perhaps here I can rant about things and not really have to worry about sharing it with the one I love. And I do love her. I mean, she certainly can see this if she looked, and the thing about this being public is that anyone who's anyone can see it. Once again, this is just a memory dump. It's not supposed to be taken seriously. It's just my thoughts being put down on paper in almost raw form (there's always the intermediate action of second guessing what to put on paper before you actually do).
Okay what else...
Well this pizza is pretty good. Not the best, but it serves its purpose as a comfort food well. Too bad I have to chug a shit ton of water with it or else I'll get some really horrible stomach problems. That's the part I am not real happy about, but water, if consumed in large doses, seems to cure everything. I'm talking maybe half a gallon. That's a lot! And it cannot be in the form of juice or coffee either. Just straight up water.
Like right now I can eat some pizza, and I know if I don't drink water it will make me stomach feel really off. So, shit ton of water. And bam, everything feels better!
Okay anyway, I think the motivation thing is coming from not writing things down. So here I am doing just that. And I can already feel some of the tension and anxiety being lifted from my shoulders as I do type. Just to be able to get some of that stuff out of my head is a good way to clear out those memory cobwebs. I filled out an application for another job. I hope they hire me. More money means more stuff I can afford. Like a bike, so I can ride places instead of driving. Then, I could ride my bike to work and save even more money. Win-win, there.
And I think that's all of that. I should habitually write more in my physical journal a lot more.